Uh oh! I’ve been selected as a Minion of Misery, and as such I have to oblige the darkness by writing about: A dark book, a dark film, and a dark secret.
I already know who nominated me as one of the minions of misery (Jason Darrick) and now I must do my best to write about these three dark subjects. I guess serving the dark lady of misery won’t be so bad after all.
A Dark Book:
This is a book I’ve read several times. In fact, this is the exact same cover as my copy. While probably not “horror,” the premise is certainly horrifying. The idea of one’s dark deeds and the culmination of your life and history being imprinted on a canvas kept hidden is certainly dark. Darker still would be a lot of the themes in this. Life itself seems to mean nothing, and hedonism is the rule. Life imitates art, indeed.
A Dark film:
I first saw this when I was 16 or 17. It still gives me nightmares. However, watching this movie broke some shred of tender naivety in me, and pushed me towards a more focused image on the macabre. It reminded me a lot of being alone in my dad’s house – a giant Queen Anne style house. It was out small town’s first hospital, and it always felt like something was watching me in there. Several of my friends were afraid to sleep over. Supposedly, the rumors in town were that the basement was full of dead babies or something similarly retarded. Having spent many hours hiding from the world in that basement, I can attest that there were no dead babies down there.
The eerie quiet of that house was enough to make you go mad, though.
A dark secret:
I have a notebook full of these. They’re like candy.
For a long time, I’ve suffered from nightmares. All kinds of nightmares. Sometimes, even while half-awake. They just kind of pull you in. I go through spells, usually when I’m under a lot of stress, or my life becomes chaotic/collapses around me. I have a dream journal somewhere, from around when my dad died when I was 16. That was some demented writing, probably some good story plots if I can dig it out.
Sometimes, it’s every night for weeks. It was tearing my life apart earlier this year; there’s nothing like reliving your deepest fears and worst moments of your life every night for weeks.
Then, I started writing Locked In. The nightmares evaporated, like I was able to channel all that pain, fear and horrible memories onto the paper, and to give my demons a life and resolution of their own. Locked In, to me, was all about helplessness. How I had been helpless for much of my life, unable to protect myself from those who tormented me, and powerless to stop my dad from dying a horrible death from lung cancer (I was his only caretaker). Locked Out was about lost causes and a world that shatters around you.
I don’t think I’ve had a single nightmare since Locked Out completed. I guess it’s a silly secret, admitting to having crippling nightmares at 27 just doesn’t seem all that edgy.